From Stone to Iron! The Return of the Iron Man…..

Year 4 have been learning to write more descriptively by using a ‘show not tell’ approach. How would you continue this piece so that you entice your reader and capture their imagination?

I was fishing in a stream that ran down to the sea when I heard it. The noise that made me tremble. 

19 Comments

  1. Oooh I cant wait to see what you write next Year 4! I’m ready to be shocked with your imagination and creativity…

    • I was fishing in a stream that ran down to the sea when I heard it whosh beside me.The heavy breeze encircled the black mass,as the moon shone on the raging,powerful waves. I stumbled above the jagged rocks, as the seagulls circled around the Iron Man. The shoreline’s shells crumbled and crashed as his heart pounded on his way to the mountains in the distance. He ran, his knuckles whitened…He eventually reached the mountains.

    • I was fishing in a pearly, indigo stream near the sea when I heard it. A loud noise made me tremble. The raging waves attacked the metallic figure, as the wind howled. The heavy breeze encircled the mass. The white horses crashed against the damp, dark, murky shore. The wind whistled past this metallic, enormous black mass, as the bruised clouds spat rain and the thunder threatened. Eventually, his eyes stared at the battered orbs of the white creases. I glanced at the robot, like I was in a daydream.

    • I was fishing in a stream that ran down into the sea when I heard it. As I stood there, a mass of metal rose from the depths of the navy blue blanket. Suddenly, a trident made of beaming light struck the unknown, whilst inflamed eyes gazed at me relentlessly. In the dark skyline, a lion’s roar projected throughout the bruised horizon as rain threatened to pour. My hands twitched and my knuckles whitened, as I witnessed a metallic man rise menacingly out of the blue. Iwhispered to myself, “Is my mind playing tricks on me?”.

  2. I was fishing in the pearly indigo stream that ran down to the turquoise sea.When I heard something .It was humongous .As big as a house as big as a shire horse. The black mass stood behind the raging waves as they crashed against the shore line.The glistening torch lit up the midnight sky as the black statue glazed wide eyed beyond the creased skyline .The metallic figure stared into the dawn as my heart skipped a beat.I stared at the robot like I was in a day dream.The iron figure made me tremble.The seagulls encircled the ferocious robot, as the leaden skyline raged.The heavy breeze encircled the black mass. The raging thunder and rain threatened.

  3. I was fishing in a stream that ran down to the vicious sea when I heard it. The terrible sound made me tremble and I started to bite my nails.”Who is that strange,metallic monster?” I said terrified. The dark,damp clouds raged down yellow streaks onto the turquoise liquid. The white,mythical,ghost horses pounded up against the crab covered shoreline. My face whitened in fear because I saw the iron man’s red,frightening,glowing headlamps. The glistening torch twinkled as bright as all the stars in the black dark centre.I heard my heart beat loudly in my chest.

  4. Silently,the iron man stood as still as ,a figure in the distance .The bright,creased clouds hung over the rocky cliffs.The red car lights shone in the glistening moonlight whilst the wind whispered through the rusty iron fingers. The dark,damp clouds raged lightening and thunder down on to the turquoise liquid.The ragged waves writhed as, the rain threatened to pour.The thunder rumbled from within the shadowy, murky clouds as, the iron man’s eyes shone in the darkness.The clear White Sea gulls dogged the lightning bolts grew stronger.

  5. I was fishing in a stream that ran down to the sea when I heard it . The noise made me tremble.
    “Who is that strange monster?” I said, terrified. The heavy breeze encircled the pitch-black mass. Ferociously, my heart pounded as the sea battled before my eyes. The mirror-like ocean came in and out, onto the moss-covered shoreline. The white, mythical, ghost horses pounded up against the crab-covered shoreline In the distance, I saw a dense, metallic torso rise, as I thought, “What is that metal figure? I really want to find out!”
    I gazed at the mysterious mass in the darkness.

  6. I was fishing in the pearly,indigo stream that ran down to the crystal clear sea when I saw it. Infa red eyes were staring at me, my heart pumped faster and faster. I couldn’t move because I was so frightened. my palms got sweaty and my legs got wobbly.The ragging waves attacked the metallic figure,as the wind howled.

  7. I was fishing in a stream that ran down to the sea when I heard it.The noise made me tremble . “Who is that strange monster “? I said terrified . The dark damp clouds ragged down lightening onto the turquoise liquid .The thunder rumbled from within the murky clouds as the red headlights brightened in the metallic mass.

  8. The iron man is the funnest thing to learn about and I poetically liked the part were it says “his eyes went white then red then infra red

  9. I was fishing in a pearly indigo stream, when I heard a noise that made me tremble. A black mass was standing on the hill .l thought it was just a stachue ,but then it moved .l slowly moved back,my knuckles turned white ,I said to myself “Am I in danger? What is it?”
    The white horses crashed against the shoreline as,the iron figures foot which was the same size as a single bed approached me. I sprinted home shivering when I got there I knocked on the door rapidly saying let me in, let me in they soon opened and I bolted inside went up the stairs and told my father what had happened while I was gone, he believed me I was happy and he told me I will find the monster son.

  10. I was fishing in a stream when I saw it .He was as tall as a tree but as wide as a house .There right in front of me a metal,rusting torso enveloped by swirling fog around him ,as the rain threatened to pour down,down onto the disfigured rocks .The red headlight illuminated the the area that surrounded me. “What is going on?”I said shivering ,not wanting to know the answer.The bruised,creased clouds looked like they were going burst with force from the ferocious wind.The wind slapped against my face as I waded through the mist trying not to slip as it could be fateful.I stopped and I…
    stared at the robot,like I was in a dream.

  11. I was fishing in the pearly indigo stream that ran down to the sea when I heard it.A loud noise made me tremble.The raging waves attaked the metallic figure as, wind howled.His eyes stared at the battered, circles of white then creases appeared.”Who is that strange monster?”I said, terrified.The dark,damp clouds raged down lightning onto the turquoise liquid.The thunder rumbled from within the murky clouds as,the red headlights brightened in the matallic mass.The raging waves writhed as,bruised,creased clouds hung over the rocky cliffs .The moon glistened whilst the rain threatened to pour.The glistening torch twinkled as, bright as,all the stars.

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