The Iron Man – Show NOT Tell

Who will impress Mrs Maylard Mason the most with their descriptive piece? Write yours below and find out during Celebr8 this Friday.

Use your word mats and DADWAVERS help sheets to ensure your writing has the WOW factor!

57 Comments

  1. The Iron Man stood as still as a statue, as his infa – red eyed scanned the rough, choppy, ocean.
    Loudly, rough waves overlap on the smooth sand.
    Piercing, infa – red eyes shone as bright as a darting later.
    Staring, at the murky mysterious depths of the ocean he took another step forward.
    The atmosphere was darkened by the mysterious, murky midnight sky.
    The grey creature stood on the very brink of the rugged rocks.

    • Well done Chloe – some excellent examples of show not tell. My favourite was your sentence about the rough waves. It tells me that the weather is getting worse!
      Write in a full paragraph next time πŸ™‚

  2. Standing, the big, tin can looked at the horizon as the lightning shook the pulverised skyline. Loudly, the thunder smashed against the sea. The night was like a gigantic, blanket of stars put on and put off each day and night. The red suns, glowed as the iron man looked out to sea. The thunder struck the rocks fiercely as the waves clashed against the sand. Behind the big pile of bolts, the sky covered up every patch of light.

    • I love your use of the verb ‘pulverised’ Hayley! I can see a range of sentence types too. Great use of show not tell. Well done πŸ™‚

  3. stud above the rustling sea was a man made of iron. There was dark blue sky and the tinned robot stud patiently waiting for something who knows. Crashing waves, struck the rocks loudly whilst the grey giant tower was over it. The dark sky grew darker and darker until the ocean struck the rocks like thunder bolts. The red, golden light shot out on his huge eyes. loudly he stomped his feet as loud as he could.

    • Hi Sophia,

      Some lovely descriptive sentences here – well done. I like your sentence about the crashing waves – it tells me what the weather was like!
      Double check all sentences start with a capital.

  4. The Iron Man’s infra-red eyes scan the murky waters menacingly. Quickly, the creatures on the sandy landscape ran when they heard the deafening noise of thunder rumbling in the distance. Crashing, choppy waters strike at the rocks below the grey giant. The soaring seagulls shine like doves in the darkening moonlight.The Iron Man stood on the brink of the rugged rocks whilst the storm brew gradually. The huge metal mass and the raging winds threw the Iron Man of the cliff and into pitch black nothingness.

    • Wow! I can almost feel the storm and it’s rain upon my own skin! Tell me the metaphor you used to describe the Iron Man.

  5. The striking waves crashed into the grey,sharp rocks and the levitating clouds struck lightning everywhere. The white feathered doves flew among the rough waves.His infra red eyes shone like Chinese lamps shining in the sky. The metal statue stood on the rocky beach menasingly.Cautiously,the animals slowly krept away from the iron giant as his gargantuan molten lava eyes scanned the landscape.Like a giant he stamped and stomped towards the salty sea.Crashing waves strike the brink of the grey rocks.

    • What an opening sentence! Incredibly engaging! I particularly like your use of stamped and stomped.
      Can you tell me what you meant by the word levitating? Do clouds strike lightning? Can you improve this sentence?

  6. As the frozen statue stood in the cold, seagulls hovered above him. The metal statue’s eyes were as red as red, hot molten lava. Towering, the grey beast stood up straight like a king. Deafeningly, the waves crashed into the rugged rocks as fast as fast as a fighter jet. The Iron man stood on the rugged rocks, staring at the horizon as thunder striked into the azure liquid waves. The grey giant stretched at the pitch black clouds whilst the sun was slowly fading.

    • I love the ways that you have described the Iron Man i.e. frozen statue/grey giant.
      Double check your last sentence – do people stretch at the clouds? Or could you use a different preposition?

  7. The black mass of metal stood clumsily on the brink of the rugged rocky beach. The brown giant scanned the traparent water menacingly. Rapidly, the lightning struck against the azure, tidal waves and the black creatures eyes scanned for more dangerous lightning. The gigantic beast was as gargantuan as a tidal wave. Quickly,the bright, glowing dove scared thought the dark,levitating clouds. The ferocious robots infa red eyes glowed as bright as orange Chinese lanterns.

  8. The iron machine stood upon the rocky, rough beach whilst the thunder rumbled down. The jagged rocks lie still upon the unoccupied beach. The gargantuan Iron Man stared with his infa-red eyes into the choppy ocean.The iron man’s red eyes shone like a Chinese lantern. Soaring through the air, the doves flew past the iron titan tentively. Rapidly, the clouds darkened as the waves crashed deafeningly into the rugged rocks.

  9. On a dark, frightening island stood a monterous, metal creature starting into the distance.
    The Iron man stood proudly on a clutted, rocky beach.
    The grey, scary looking clouds floated upon the gigantic sea.
    The monsterous waves crashed marching giant’s feet.
    The massive metal body took a nervously step forward.
    Confidently, the Iron stood on a rocky rock as crashing thunder grumbled in the windy distance.
    The seagulls shone like snow-white doves.

    • Well done you two. Some well crafted sentences. My favourite example of show not tell is your first sentence! Beautiful description of the Iron Man as a metal creature!
      Next time – write as a full paragraph πŸ™‚

  10. Behind the Iron figure, lightning flashed as it shook the sky with terror and the raging waves crashed against the shadowy rocks. Glowing, red candles stood out from the black amassment of metal. The Moon shone its light on the Iron Man for he was in the centre of the stage. The Iron Man looked at the stary sky where the lightning endlessly came from. Rapidly the lapis lazuli sea made a loud roar like a wild bear, but the Iron Man only watched for he had never seen anything like this.

  11. Lightning struck all around the metal mass as he looked into the blazing fire in the sky. The red lanterns glowed like the yellow sun on the black mass of bolts. he stood proudly on the enormous, grey circles. Suddenly, a yellow light struck the rocks and broke them the metal mass clattered on to the ground he was in pieces he could only hear the angry sea crashing on to the sand.

    • Great examples of show not tell in each and every sentence. Well done!
      Try to include examples of all sentence types next time Savion – I’d love to see one which starts with a verb like we perfected online.

  12. On a rocky beach the grey human being gazed at the choppy water. The hulking iron man stood like a king. The towering, iron monster almost concealed the bright sun. Suddenly, the iron human spotted a fox with his red lava eyes.
    Choppy waves were as sharp as a knife. The choppy sea splashed fiercely against the giant with crashing waves. The Iron Man stood proudly with his iron heavy body.

    • WOW! This piece is full to the brim with great examples show not tell – particularly about the Iron Man himself! Well done!

      Tell me what you mean by ‘choppy’.

  13. The Iron man towered above the rugged rocks as he looked around his surroundings. As the shiny metal giant stood proudly next to the sea, the waves crashed deafeningly against the rocks. Quietly, the seagulls soared through the serene, sombre bruised sky. Floating cloud swirled across the moon lit sky. The red lanterns glowed fiercely in the black mass of metal. Crashing waves strike the rocks deafeningly whilst the grey gaint towers.

  14. Iron Man was standing on the rocks near the sea, the waves crashing against the rocks, splashing them onto the tin figure. Dark thunderclouds gathered in the sky, glare lightning reflected off the tin robot. He was looking at me with his big red lanterns. Sea birds flew around him. Iron Man was so big that it almost touched its rectangular head to the dark rain clouds. His arms and legs were as long as a train and his head looked like a large bucket.

    • I love your use of the description ‘tin figure’ instead of Iron Man! A great example of show not tell.
      You have listened carefully to advice from last week too and used capital letters accurately every time. Well done πŸ™‚

      Tell me – how would you feel if you saw the Iron Man on a beach?

  15. Towering over the rocky cliffs, sways his colossal metal body, like a boat floating on water. His fiery eyes glow like a burning fire on a dark night and the howling wind whistles through his crab like fingers. In front, sits a blanket of blue, crashing waves that strike the bumpy rocks. The thunder booms, circling all around him and bolts of lightening strike the bruised sky. Curiously the metal statue gazes out into the unknown.

    • Wow Archie! You have really shown me the type of weather in your setting. I can almost feel the wind circling around me!
      I love your use of different sentence types and how you’ve used descriptions from the text to inspire you. Well done.
      I wonder – what would you do if you were Hogarth and you spotted an Iron Man one night?

  16. The sky was like a blanket surrounding the giant tin can .
    Fiercely the sender crashed into the waves were of the black giant towers over the beachfront.
    Crashing waves hit the jagged rocks loudly as the giant tin can walk across the sand .
    Behind the tin can the thunder ragged and bolts of lightning struck the misty sky .
    The strong funder hit the waves as more clouds group and then the dark sky .
    The strong thunder hit the waves as more clouds grew Amongst the dark sky , The bright red lights shine in the mass of metal .

    Tilly

    • An interesting and engaging description Tilly. Well done. Your first sentence is certainly my favourite – I love your use of the simile to describe the skyline.
      Top Tip – avoid repeating the same nouns or adjectives by using your word bank. Can you find an alternative to the word ‘dark’?

  17. The waves smashed into the rocks while the metal man stared at the night sky. He wondered where he would be if he was a human. Behind the iron man were bolts of lightning crashing in the surface. Thunder raged near him and one hit him but nothing happened to him. His amazing torso was shining beautifully in the sky.

    • You have described the weather by showing me about the thunder and lightning. Well done.
      Next time, try to include all of the different sentence types from your planning session.

  18. The atmosphere was darkened by the mysterious, murky, midnight sky. The metal titan was watching the night sky as he stood still like a statue. His infa-red eyes scanned the rough, choppy ocean, creating great waves near the shore. Loudly, rough and rugged waves overlapped the smooth sand. The grey creature stood on the very brink of the rugged rocks. Piercing, infa-red eyes shone as bright a darting laser. The rigid individual stood in the area of a thunderstorm as he awaited for what’s to come.

    • Well done Dwayne. You have used show not tell skillfully in this piece to great effect. I can even see some alteration here too….. smooth sand.

      Your last sentence gave me a sense of anticipation too – I wondered what was going to happen next.

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