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  1. The Egyptian tomb
    When the archaeologist Dan and his team found the Egyptian tomb door, then their hearts beat went faster in the mild dessert sun. They untied the knot slowly and carefully. Then the door made a rusty and screeching sound and when they went inside the door bang closed. They shivered because of the bang from the door.

    Afterwards they were excited because they discovered boxes of gold, silver and diamonds also they found lots of jewels. After that they were amazed because they saw a mummified bodied wrapped in linen. There was lots of household items such as a large bed chairs and tables which were decorated with jewels and flowers made out of diamonds. There were paintings of him and his family and his achievements.

    • Well done Savion – always re-read before hitting that submit button though. Next time, try to use adverbials to begin sentences rather than then / they. 🙂

  2. Dan and his team’s hearts pounded and pounded as if their hearts were going to jump out of their chests. Dans hands shook as he carefully started to unwind the rope. The rest of Dans team stood, looking over Dans shoulder with their sweaty hands and fluttering bellies. After what seemed like forever Dan had managed to untie the whole rope. The whole team took a deep breath as Dan gave the giant doors a little nudge because they had been closed for so many years, slowly the doors screeched and creaked opened, a cloud of dust fell all over Dans head. A bright light blinded Dan and his team, it was like the sun was shining from inside the tomb! They couldn’t believe their eyes! Everything around them twinkled and sparkled! Jewels glistened, gold shimmered and silver sparkled. There were beautiful statues of Egyptian gods and goddesses, there were amazing Egyptian paintings carved and painted all over the tombs walls and ceilings. But the most spectacular thing of all was the breath taking sarcophagus that lay before them, shining as brightly as a shooting star!

    • Wow Archie! Gripping reading, what great writing skills. You detailed that really well – even including dust falling onto Dan’s head. Lots of show-not-tell techniques too. Good job 🙂

  3. As the archaeologists opened the door they felt excited but frightened, the door made a loud CREEEEAK and CRUUNCH. Whilst one archaeologist was looking at the symbols on the stone wall, humming with his arms crossed, one of the other archaeologists looking at the tomb and questioned his friends “Why is their a dead end and who is going in?”

  4. The tomb
    When the doors opened it smashed loudly.
    When the door opened it banged against the wall and it chipped some
    of wall,then the doors creaked slowly back to together. Dan was scared at first, then he was worried because it might cause a
    cave in. His helpers thought why did l sign up for this.
    Opening the doors
    Dan stepped forward and grabbed the handles. Dan pulled the doors open cautiously. The doors creaked open.
    Everyone gasped when they saw the treasure. The cave was very dusty but they could see twinkling treasure in the distance.
    It looked like there was a sarcophagus in the middle. Dan recognised the shape. Dan’s helpers said this is why we signed up for this.

    • Good writing Jeremiah. I can just imagine the huge wooden door opening noisily and the fear of the men. I like the technique of repetitiveness ‘why did we sign up for this’ becoming ‘this is why we signed up for this’ Good job! 🙂

  5. The atmosphere in the air was growing to the extreme! You could nearly hear the “bang, bang, bang” in the archaeologists hearts and “tick tok” in their heads. The door cracked as the ice breaks and they could hear a murmur of creeping mummies. Parts of sand whooshed like sandstorm. Achoo! Dan sneezed. Whilst Dan and the archaeologists pulled the door, everything muted whilst the hinges squeaked and squealed. Finally, when the door fully opened, precious paintings of the Pharaoh appeared to their eyes. Suddenly, out of nowhere they have heard the rustle of the scarabs armours pouring from the walls.

  6. There were CREAKS and THUDS as Dan opened the old, rocky doors. It opened creepily, making a SWISHING sound in the darkness. When it was fully opened, it made a BANG and a CLUNK in the silence. When Dan looked inside the old, large tomb he was surprised. There was a shiny gold in front of him, and then he found golden statues left there thousands of years but it was still shining in the bright light from outside the door. Dan and his team of archaeologists were interested because they wanted to research about this. Inside the tomb, there were golden coins, golden statues, and gold. As the treasures gleamed very brightly, his fellow archaeologists and himself walked slowly into the tomb with feeling of excitement to start their research.

    • Lots of onomatopoeia in this writing Dwayne, well done. You’ve included lots of expanded noun phrases too. Good job! 🙂

  7. Tom was a traveller. Egypt was his last stop before he took a year long well deserved break. After wondering desperately around one of the most extravagant deserts he has ever set his eyes upon, he finally came to a halt. He had reached his most awaited destination. The tomb of Tutan Kamun. His eyes as wide as a tiger concentrating on his prey, he curiously wondered towards the tomb, not taking his eyes away from it. It was the most glorious sight he had seen. Encrusted with gold, showing off the wealth of the Egyptian Royal family. Painted in lush Navy blue in handing the royalty of the beloved body inside. There were symbols all over it, symbols which he couldn’t read. Concentrated on the glory of this tomb, Tom had forgotten that he was in a forbidden area, and the consequences for this could be extreme. All of a sudden, Tom saw a crowd of people of many different ages, young children, babies in their mothers shawls, father leading the way wearing a countless amount of gold with swords tucked within their puffy trousers. They saw Tom before Tom saw them. Next thing Tom knows is a dozen amount of weaponised men running towards him with revolting intentions. Tom started running and running and never stopped…

    • Benedict, an amazing piece of writing. Some great similes and fantastic word choices – did you look them up in a dictionary? You have painted a really vivid image and built the tension up well. Keep up the good work! 🙂

  8. As they open the door, it creaks like a mouse. Dan comes in first and dust falls on his head. They look around, nothing but sand and dust. Then, out of nowhere they saw something covered in the sand. Their hearts beat so hard that they would come out of their chests. They came closer and had found a hidden sarcophagus. They tried and tried to open it but it was locked. CREEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!! The main doors shut close. They all jump in fear and see nothing but dark. They walk around with their arms wide open. Then Dan touched a strange thing. His team find the door and open them, they put a rock next to it so it doesn’t shut close again, but Dan still stays next to the weird thing covered in dust. He calls his team to come look and they find a chest covered in dust. Exited but frightened to open it, then they realise that it is locked and needs a key to it. They had no idea that the key was under the chest. They looked behind the chest and found a sign saying “look under the chest.” So they tried to pick it up but it was to heavy. They tried and tried until they did and found the key. They put it in and it opened and then they saw a chest full of gold!!!!!!

    • Well done Alex, you have similes, onomatopoeia and tension! Just be careful to stay in one tense. Either the past tense e.g. saw, found, touched or stay in the present e.g.open, creaks, falls. Great work 🙂

  9. Standing at the entrance of the tomb door,I felt the howling wind blowing against my face. Afterwards I entered the chamber and the door stamped, I always wanted to do this. In addition a taped door opened magically.i could see hidden foot paths in the crumbling sand under my feet. I could feel the heat of the lantern on my arm. I scratched my head and thought for a moment,in the corner of my eye I could see a glowing statue like the sun.i went up to the statue, it was freezing,my lamp was the only light in the tomb, I was literally terrified…

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