47 Comments

  1. Hayley was walking down mystical road, when a mysterious door in a wall caught her eye. It was blue with a handle shaped like the head of a unicorn. Hayley opened the blue door and immediately a bright, white light filled the sky.

    Inside the door, was a giant, crystal castle, it had exquisite flower beds beside the gates that shone in the sunlight. Inside the castle, was a gleaming chandelier that glowed as much as the brightest star in space. Also, was a enormous table with white tablecloth and lots of food. Cakes, cupcakes and all kind of foods! Champagne glasses stood next to every seat and red velvet cupcakes complimented the chocolate cake.

    On a napkin it said, “look where you want to but don’t touch anything white or blue!” So Hayley explored and observed everything and everything was fit for a princess!

    • Hi Hayley! Well done for typing your story so promptly 🙂
      Lovely use of similes, prepositional phrases and ambitious adjectives.
      Top Tip – Check that you have used a capital after you open speech marks.
      I can’t wait to read the next installment!

    • She found a big, bright blue, diamond necklace glimmering in the sun on the windowsill. She was so tempted that she forgot what she was warned and she put the necklace on. Immediately, a loud voice said, ” You have disrespected me and my kingdom so now YOU WILL PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
      Hayley ran as fast as she could and ran from the loud voice but every twist she turned, the louder the voice got!

      She finally found her way to the exit of the castle and saw the blue door standing in the light. At that minute, Hayley jumped into the door and found herself in front of the big, brick wall on mystical road. The door had disappeared as if that magical land was all a dream.

      Still, Hayley had a little keepsake to remind her that, that world was as real as the sea was salty! The necklace, she had brought it home so she could remember that that other work exists……………………………..

      • Hi Hayley,
        Great work – I like your use of similes throughout.
        Top Tip- Ensure you writing appears formal but reducing the number of exclamation marks (one is fine) and 3 full stops to make an ellipsis 🙂

  2. Maela had always been inquisitive. One Morning, when Maela was walking down the road she saw phoenix pond. This was her favourite place to go to relax. She was looking in the pond when she saw something sparkling in the water. Maela put her hand in the water until something pulled her hand into the pond. There was barely anyone there so no one saw it. It was a pure white stone, she pulled on the stone trying to get it but without a clue, there was a door and the stone on it. Because she was starting to sink and couldn’t hold her breath for long, she dived in and closed the door behind her.

    Inside the door, there was just darkness until she crawled tentatively towards light she saw in the distance. Suddenly, Maela realised she was in the sky! She was on mossy stone as hard as 5 high mountains. However, this place was magical, with emerald grass around the ancient-looking trees with azure, shimmering lakes floating on the stone! It was completely crazy and magical!

    Maela spotted something on the tree, there were words carved in the rough bark it said, “Pat the trees 3 times and say come out Oh magical ones” She did as she was told and there came out 8 fairies came out of the trees. Maela felt relieved when she asked one of them, “Where am I?” Disappointingly, all of the fairies replied saying, “Wander wherever but don’t ever drink a drop.” It was certainly confusing but she wandered which led her to a rose blanket with mountains of food on it.

    • Hi Hannah,

      Well done for writing an interesting, engaging story opening 🙂
      You have used many of our writing tools today- commas in lists, prepositional phrases, subordination and ambitious adjectives! Well done. I particularly like your use of tentative.
      Top Tip – Could you create a rhyme for your spoken warning i.e. ‘Look where you wish but don’t touch a dish.”

  3. Once upon a time there was a man called Ryan and he was wandering in the woods when he saw a mysterious tree. He went up to it and seen it was actually a secret wooden door. As he entered through he went in and seen a creepy forest with trees as big as a GIANT. It felt like they were spying on him… Crows were screeching soooo loud that it hurt his ears. It was like they were trying to warn him. He didn’t care but he also didn’t know what the crows were saying. As he took a step forward the crows all dived towards him in a panic, he stumbled backwards and fell back through the wooden door. Shocked, he couldn’t believe what he just saw he didn’t know if it was a dream or not but he looked down and seen a special crows feather on the ground.

    • Well done Maia! You’ve written a great first part of your story 🙂
      I enjoyed seeing your use of noun phrases like ‘secret wooden door’ and your use of prepositions.
      Top Tip – Check that you write in the past throughout i.e. He saw not seen 🙂

  4. Savion was a unusual and strange boy. When he was jogging down Monkey Road. Suddenly, a mysterious door caught his eye. It was a yellow and the door handle looked like a monkey’s head. Savion opened the strange door and a brown light blinded him. Then he saw a glass carpet and in it was fresh, yellow bananas.

    Inside the door, there was a magnificent, brown forest. Next to him, there were trees surrounded by banana’s and inside them there was glorious different types of food. Also inside the trees was a monkey serving it out to the other’s. The food all had tiny banana’s popping out of the dishes such as rainbow, banana cake and enormous nuts with a touch of banana at the side.

    He wandered further into the forest , following the glass carpet and found a monkey statue and inside of it was a note . It said, “Look were you wish, but don’t touch the inside of a tree!” he was confused and didn’t understand what the note meant!

    • Hi Savion,

      Well done – a lovely story opening to read and enjoy. You have used many of the items in our toolkit – I’ve spotted prepositional phrases, noun phrases and a simile!
      Top Tip – Check that your second sentence has a second clause 🙂

      • A little further onward, he found a tree made out of glistening banana’s and inside there was a brown and gold banana that shined like the sun. Also it smelt mouth watering and he took a bite because his mouth was dry and it tasted sweeter than anything in the universe with a mystical twist.

        Then he instantly remembered what he was told and at that very moment he heard a thousand , high pitch, annoying sounds. Savion very much didn’t like the sound and he picked up the seeds next to the banana, also he picked up the banana. Whilst clutching both items, he ran as quick as he could to the entrance. He arrived there just in time before he got caught and then he was back at his world.

        Two strange things happened when he got home. 1st he never saw the tree again and 2nd he planted the seeds, one of them grew into a tree made from banana’s, also the branches were silver and the leaves were yellow. Also, it grew the brown and gold banana’s. His friends said he always daydreamed.

        • Well done Savion. You’ve concluded this story well -keeping the writer engaged with your description 🙂
          Top Tip for the future – use apostrophes for possession and not plurals i.e. bananas 🙂

  5. Ben was always wondering about something very strange one sunny morning Ben went for a morning jog when he was jogging he saw a strange door the door handle was shaped like a snake the door looked like it was one million years old

    Ben entered the door in the door was another dimension Ben was terrified if someone comes and comes after him he saw banquet table that had storberry cream chocolate cake and good looking chocolate ice cream with jelly’s

    Ben then spotted a massive cuberd in the cuberd was a ramdow apple that tasted like the sun Ben then heard footsteps hid in the and he came back to his univers he never saw the door again and and carried on living with his family

    • Well done Benedict! You have worked so hard on this piece! I can see how you’ve used the text to inspire you! You’ve made me hungry 🙂
      Top Tip- Try not to let your sentences get too long. Stick to two clauses to help you use full stops correctly.

  6. Archie had always had a great imagination. One Saturday morning Archie was in a local library, when he came cross an unusual book case, hidden at the back of the library. It looked like a book case, but if you looked closely it was shaped like a unicorn horn. Excitingly, he carefully twisted it open, and sneakily, crept inside.

    The other side opened up into a magical, mythical world. All around him were beautiful colours shining and sparking like the stars in a bright sky. There in the distance shone an enormous rainbow, with a gigantic, golden table sat underneath. The table was overflowing with all kinds of delicious foods. As he walked tentatively towards it, he could see tiny fairies, friendly looking gnomes, dazzling unicorns and sat at the end of the table sat an enormous, fire breathing dragon!

    Curiously, Archie made his was closer to the table. Towering over some crimson strawberries that were resting on a golden plate, stood a gigantic, juicy burger. In the centre of the table sat a sticky, runny chocolate fudge cake, that looked like a waterfall of flowing chocolate. Suddenly! a tiny fairy with glistening, silver wings flew up close to Archie’s face, Archie’s asked the fairy where he was but she just said “you can explore our home but don’t touch the golden gnome”.

    • Wow Archie! Such impressive writing! I am so proud 🙂
      You have used your tool kit well and crafted a wonderful story opening with ambitious language and imaginative descriptions. I particularly like your sentence which starts with the verb ‘Towering’ – this one really engaged me.
      Top Tip- Use a capital letter after you open your speech marks.

  7. Whilst walking swiftly down dragon lane, a young boy named shaun came across a bizarre sight. There, in the middle of the road, was a mysterious oak door. He shivered, as he reached out for the handle which glistened in the sun like a precious diamond. He opened the door which led to a petrifying corridor.

    As he was exploring, sweeping past the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, he discovered a colossal banquet. There was a skull in the middle of the table and pumpkins were surrounding it candles were around the skull it was like a house for halloween. I could hear a loud rumble from my belly as I stared at the delicious pudding.

    That’s the is when I noticed a small object peeping out of the skull. It was a piece of paper which said, “Try a dish if you dare, but be ready for a scare

    • Hi Shaun,

      Well done for writing the start of your story and posting it for us all to see on the blog!
      I love how you have included many of the tools from our toolkit – I can spot prepositional phrases, subordination and noun phrases! It has been an absolute joy for me to read and I can’t wait to see your next installment on Monday!

      Top Tip for next time – expand your noun phrases by using two adjectives each time and separate each with a comma i.e. precious, glimmering diamond. This will really help engage your reader.
      Well done Shaun 🙂

  8. Dwayne was always such a curious person. One day, as he woke up, he noticed a strange, unknown entrance after opening his large cupboard. Without thinking, he decided to enter the hallway filled with darkness as he began to shiver with fear. Was this the right choice?

    Suddenly, as wide as a modern garden, this place was filled with fantastic feasts and decorations! Near him, were loads of overwhelming, tasty foods on the banquet and areas filled with shimmering lights, the sweet scent of flowers and precious vases. He could also see delicate paintings hanging on the walls of this location.

    Peeping out of one of the decorations, the vase, was a note. Then, he grabbed the note carefully, which was filled with moist soil, which said the following, “Look where you wish, but NEVER ruin a dish.”

    • Hi Dwayne,

      Well done for writing a great start to your story. I can see that you’ve tried hard to structure your work with three paragraphs and use lots of interesting noun phrases. I really like your opener, ‘without thinking’, this told me a lot about the character and intrigued me.

      Top tip- remember to ready your work aloud to check for missing words. Have a look at the first sentence in your last paragraph and see if you can rehearse it below.

      I was so pleased to read this today. Great work 🙂

  9. John was always a curious person. One day john was trotting on his way to school when he found an odd door engraved into the side of a house john was confused because he had never seen that there he thought it was nothing so he walked off. after school he wondered why that door was there so he open the door and found a massive feast of cake, chocolate, ice cream and doughnuts with small people preparing the feasts

    john wondered around and saw a sign saying “look where you wish but you shall not touch a dish” seeing that sign john obeyed that rule but not for long…
    until he saw a shimmering, golden, sprinkled, cupcake he forgot this rule and ate it
    that second he realise what he had done all of a sudden the tiny people were running around chasing him luckily he made it out

    • he tried telling people about it but no one believed him they just thought he had not had sleep they always said he always day dreamed of big feasts
      was it real? or was it not?

    • Hi Finley,
      Well done for posting the start of your story here! You have a clear story structure and lots of action which I loved.
      Top Ti- – Double check use of capitals to start sentences and for names 🙂

  10. he tried telling people about it but no one believed him they just thought he had not had sleep they always said he always day dreamed of big feasts
    was it real? or was it not?

  11. Here is the next three paragraphs of my story:
    On a Ruby colossal velvety blanket laid 7 layered cakes before Maela’s eyes, all with unique design on each layer. She caught sight of fresh, saccharine donuts giving a mouth- watering smell on a pure white plate. Her favourite! Hastily, her eyes went as big as saucers when she saw glistening strawberries. Right in the centre of the blanket was a crimson wobbly jelly as tall as a towering mountain! Next to the jelly was two icy, chocolate milkshakes with fluffy marshmallows on top with pale-like straws. Creamy, velvet cupcakes were laid all around the blanket for everyone to enjoy. It looked like an amazing feast..Well it was!

    Finally, Maela came up to a glorious fountain with golden water flowing from the top of it! Out of nowhere, creepy, echoing voices murmured, “Drink the golden water from that dainty little glass bowl…” The voices repeated what they said over and over again and the more times they said it, the louder and creepier it got. Maela looked at it temptingly wanting to taste it just a tiny bit then she would be happy so she took the bowl and filled it to the top with golden water. Maela took a sip…Glorious Glorious she thought because it tasted as sweet as sugary starlight delights and as refreshing as ice cubes! But that was a mistake.

    Angrily, thousands of fairy voices were spitting out fireballs at Maela! She ran and ran and ran until she tripped over a twig! She was going to get attacked but she picked herself up and jumped back into the pond with the bowl in her hand and a tablecloth covering it. She finally reached her home! When she got home first just to see if it worked Maela poured a bit of the water into a fountain they were building and it flowed with even more golden water. It never ran out! Sadly, Maela never saw that crazy world again but the fountain was a reminder right? She was a daydreamer who liked to think about other worlds. But she did travel through one…

    • Well done Hannah. An engaging second part to your story. I love your use of alliteration!
      Top tip – scan through and give your writing extra x-factor by upgrading 5 verbs i.e. went/going 🙂

  12. Ben when for another morning jog. He saw something similar he saw in his life,it was door whith a snake Handel. It was a week door Ben tried to remember Ben went into the week door

    Ben arrived in an another dimension. he finally remembered it was “it was the portal I came in last month” he said he remembered the storberry cream cake with jelly’s inside,he remembered the banquet table and the massive coberd whith the golden apple.

    Ben also remembered he has a time limit to go back to his univers.Ben finnaly had time to eat the cake. “Yummy he said he then went to the coboed and had one bit of the golden apple. it tasted juice and lt tasted like it was made from a professional who made this apple. and he came back to his univers the door was never to be seen.

    • Hi Benedict, well done for submitting the second part of your story here for feedback. You are writing at length and using three clear paragraphs as instructed.
      Before you redraft, have a look at the example story in Teams. Look at the sentence structure and how to craft your clauses so they are clear for the reader.
      Stick to two clauses maximum – with the conjunction in the middle to help the sentences be extra clear for the reader 🙂

  13. He was trying to resist fear. Suddenly as he looked outside there was a table with a golden plate on the top. It was just an ordinary apple. He picked it up and he ate it but he remembered what the sheet said and he sensed darkness coming towards him.

    Suddenly, he heard banging from the door. He didn’t know where to go, so he ran past the cobwebs, banquet table and the skeletons. Then he ran through the final door to escape.

    The next thing he heard was his mum crying out his name. He woke up in his room sweaty and shaky, that’s when he realised it was all just a dream. He wanted to check if the door still existed but it wasn’t there. Each time he checked there was no door.

    • Wow Shaun – I love your phrase ‘he sensed darkness’! This made me want to hear more 🙂
      Top Tip for next time – have a look at your toolkit. Perhaps you could include a simile, comparison using ‘then’ or some alliteration.

  14. Lily was walking to her friend’s house when an enormous gust of wind hit her on the back. Suddenly,a storm started forming. The sky turned grey like an ancient coin.
    The storm dragged her away into a mysterious portal.

    She fell asleep in an instant but when Lily woke up she was in a hall. It looked like the great hall from Harry Potter. In the middle of the room stood the largest banquet table EVER. I saw lots of tiny people walking around, they looked like elves

    She explored through a corridor but before she could open any doors Lily heard a booming voice say “ Don’t touch that apple!” There was an apple right next to her so she did not touch it as she was told.

    Instead of walking though the doors, she ran up a flight of stairs and saw another door. She entered through it and because she was excited she sprinted to an old desk. On the desk stood a silver apple. Lily grabbed it but an arm rose from behind the desk and tried to take the apple back.

    Stupidly, Lilly waited for another tornado to take her home but realised it would be even faster to get a bus .So she ran downstairs and outside to the nearest bus stop. When she was on a bus she kept hearing the words “Don’t touch that apple!” witch gave her a headache

    When Lilly was home she still had the apple in her pocket so she made a delicious, silver apple pie for her family and friends.

    • Wow Tilly – well done! You are a day ahead with this challenge 🙂
      A wonderful story – you know I love the Harry Potter twist. I also love how you’ve used some direct speech here – extra challenging. Well done.

  15. Hayley was walking down mystical road, when a mysterious door in a wall caught her eye. It was blue with a handle shaped like the head of a unicorn. Hayley opened the blue door and immediately a bright, white light filled the sky.

    Inside the door, was a giant, crystal castle, it had exquisite flower beds beside the gates that shone in the sunlight. Inside the castle, was a gleaming chandelier that shone as bright as the brightest star ever recorded. Also, was a enormous table with white tablecloth and lots of food. Cakes, pies and all kind of foods! Champagne glasses stood next to every seat and red velvet cupcakes complimented the chocolate cake.

    On a napkin it said, “look where you want to but don’t touch anything white or blue!” So Hayley
    explored and observed everything and everything was fit for a princess!

    She found a big, bright blue, diamond necklace glimmering in the sun on the windowsill. She was so tempted that she forgot what she was told and she put the necklace on. Immediately, a loud voice said, ” You have disrespected me and my kingdom so now YOU WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCE!”
    Hayley ran as fast as she could and ran from the loud voice but every twist she turned, the louder the voice got!
    She finally found her way to the exit of the castle and saw the blue door standing in the light. At that second, Hayley jumped into the door and found herself in front of the big, brick wall on mystical road. The door had disappeared as if that magical land was all a dream.

    Still, Hayley had a little keepsake to remind her that, that world was as real as the sea was salty! The necklace, she had brought it home so she could remember that that other world was real… and it wasn’t, all a dream…

    • Well done Hayley- you are a day early on this task!
      A lovely story, clearly sequenced and descriptive. Very well done 🙂

  16. Whilst walking swiftly down dragon lane, a young boy named Shaun came across a bizarre sight. There, in the middle of the road, was a mysterious oak door there were beware signs next to it. He shivered, as he reached out for the handle which glistened in the sun like a precious diamond. He opened the door which led to a petrifying corridor.
    As he was exploring, sweeping past the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, he discovered a colossal banquet. There was a skull in the middle of the table and pumpkins and candles were surrounding it like a Halloween house. I could hear a loud rumble from my belly as I stared at the appetising pudding.
    That’s the is when I noticed a small object peeping out of the skull. It was a piece of paper which said, “Try a dish if you dare, but be ready for a scare”. The eerie silenced that followed, was like a cunning predator waiting to pounce at me.
    He was trying to resist fear. Suddenly as he looked outside there was a table with a golden plate on the top. It was just an ordinary apple. He picked it up and he ate it, but he remembered what the sheet said, and he sensed darkness coming towards him.
    Suddenly, he heard banging from the door. He didn’t know where to go, so he ran past the cobwebs, banquet table and the skeletons. Then he ran through the final door to escape.
    The next thing he heard was his mum crying out his name. He woke up in his room sweaty and shaky, that’s when he realised it was all just a dream. He wanted to check if the door still existed, but it wasn’t there. Each time he checked there wasn’t a door.

    • Shaun, you have written a beautiful story. Well done for working so hard to publish this. You are actually a day ahead of schedule. You have listened carefully to advice and really improved your piece. Well done 🙂

  17. Arazari had always been inqusitive of every odd thing she saw, she was very interested in things she had never seen before.One day, she was walking down saphire road when she spotted a door to a “Glass House” but when she peered through it she saw nothing and no-one inside!So she steped inside and as soon as she had stepped inside she had realized that she could only see what was inside if she was inside herself!There were so many things that she had never seen before.
    She saw drangons, pixies and even pegasides!There were unicorns and all sorts of mystical creatures there but… there was one of them that Arazari loved the most, it was a dragon with a unicorn horn!It was bright red with a white horn and it had bright blue dragon wings.And the white horn sparkled in the light of the glimmering sun in the blue day sky.
    But when the dragon had left the spot it was in, it had revealed a huge banquet and there were all types of delicious foods there.There were creamy strawberry cupcakes with big juicy cherries on top.There were lovely drinks of different flavours.But as soon as the dragon was completely gone Arazari saw the most delicious food she had ever seen in her life!There was a 7 layer cake with 7 cherries on top with 7 rounds of wipped cream.And right next to the delicious cake there was a beautiful drink with all the fruit flavours in it.
    After that, Arazari turned around and was suprised to see a dark hall!She was very curious about it and so, she went in!However as she went in she fell down a deep hole and she landed with a thump and a bump.But as soon she put her head up she saw a beautiful underground garden with so many flowers and many lovely animal fruits like dragonfruit!But when she crawled into the garden she saw a golden crystal palace and she straight away entered the peaceful place. .
    The inside was divine, it had golden goblets, crystal chairs and tall teriffic tables. It even had a huge crystal throne made of a special galaxy saphire!She walked up to it and touched it then suddenly it let a out a brilliant glow and an elegant queen appeared. The elemental queen stared straight at Arazari and said, “What.Do.You.Think.Your.DOING?!” Arazari was speechless.
    After that the elemental queen took Arazari on a tour of her kingdom and they got to know each other, they became good friends and for that reason everytime Arazari visited they hung out. However when Arazari tried to visit the elemental queen once more … the palace was gone, everything was gone ; the glass house, the banquet , the mystical creatures even the hole everything was gone!
    After that the elemental queen took Arazari on a tour of her kingdom and they got to know each other, they became good friends and for that reason everytime Arazari visited they hung out. However when Arazari tried to visit the elemental queen once more … the palace was gone, everything was gone ; the glass house, the banquet , the mystical creatures even the hole everything was gone!
    The end
    Or is it…

    • Well done Joanna. What a wonderful story. I can see how hard you have tried to craft this and include all of the tools from your toolkit. Very well done.
      Your focus and dedication to online learning continue to impress me. Be proud.
      You are also a day early 🙂

  18. Maela had always been inquisitive. One day when she was wandering down the road she saw phoenix pond. This was her favourite place to go and relax. Maela was looking in the pond when she noticed that there was something sparkling in the water! Maela reached out her hand in to the water but something grabbed her and she fell in the pond. It was a quiet place where no one went so no one saw her. It was a beautiful necklace, she pulled on it hoping to get it. But without a clue, there was a door with a handle shaped like a rose and the necklace on the weird looking handle. Because she couldn’t hold her breath for long, she twisted the handle and dived right in with the necklace in her hand. She closed the door behind her.

    Inside the door, there was just darkness until she crawled tentatively towards light she spotted in the distance. Shockingly, Maela realised she was in the sky which was a surprise! She was on bright, emerald grass and it was very secure! However this place was magical, amazing and crazy because she was standing in a garden as huge as a forest! There were flying books, ancient-looking trees, mythical animals like mystical unicorns, mighty dragons, boiling phoenixes and everything you could imagine! Azure lakes stood proudly and shone like a diamonds. It was completely mystical!

    Maela saw words carved into one of the ancient-looking trees. It said, “Pat this tree 3 times.”
    So Maela did as she was told. A fairy soared into the sky and flew up to Maela’s face. She blurted out, “Where am I and how do I get home?”
    Disappointingly, the fairy replied with, “You can explore our land but don’t touch the magic sand.”
    She did not understand what it meant but she did explore the wonderful world. This led her to a rose velvety blanket with mountains of food on it!

    There, before Maela’s eyes were 7 layered cakes and all with unique design on each layer. She caught sight of fresh, saccharine donuts giving a mouth-watering aroma on a pure white plate. Her favourite! Hastily her eyes turned as big as saucers when she saw glistening strawberries. Right in the centre of the blanket, was a crimson wobbly jelly that was like a towering! Next to the jelly was two icy, chocolate milkshakes with marshmallows on top with pale like straws! Creamy velvet cupcakes were laid all around the blanket. It looked like an amazing feast. Well it was!

    Finally, Maela came to a huge, shimmering lake. This one was bigger than the other lakes, she looked in it and there was sand at the bottom of the lake. Because of the sand, the water was turning in to different colours. It was a sight to see! From earlier she collected a little dainty, glass bowl. She put the sand in the bowl to keep it. But that was a mistake.

    Maela turned her back for one second, but raging behind her was every living thing chasing her the moment she touched the sand. Voices behind her were saying, “You’re such a fool! Everyone who has touched that sand did not tell the tale!”
    She was terrified. She ran and ran and ran until she reached the portal, they were right behind her. The fairy bellowed, “How dare you, we let you explore our precious land!”
    She was so sorry! Maela jumped in the pond opened the door and she found herself back in phoenix pond. She looked to see if the door was there but it was like it was a dream all along! She went to her home and asked herself this question: Was I dreaming? “Now then if I was dreaming why do I have the sand and the necklace?” Maela whispered gently.
    That was a mystery…

    • Well done Hannah! What a story for me to arrive to today! I am so proud of how you have crafted this piece, written at length and listened to advice offered.
      You are an inspiration and I am very proud.
      PS. I love your use of the verb blurted and how you have incorporated a rhyme into your story 🙂

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