Year 6 Writing Challenge Wednesday 1st April 2020

Good Morning Year 6! How are you all feeling today?

Take a look at this…

This writing was created using the below ingredients:

You’re going to use it to create your own SLOW WRITING! It’s your turn!

You are all fantastic writers! Use your spark and spirit!

Miss Lee

 

37 Comments

  1. There it was. Intimidating, fearsome, daunting- the creature stood alone with a blood-thirsty look. He felt hungry, his stomach was rumbling and roaring like a lion while his outstretched arms held an animal he’d caught earlier to eat later. It was piercing behind the trees: it was examining the woods to find his food for later. He’d it detected something? What had he found? Even though it hadn’t had much success, he didn’t give up searching. Later in the day, he heard something creeping behind him in the woods. He had spotted the creature and he crept towards it. As graceful as an eagle, it dived over and caught the petite, minute creature with its outstretched arms.

    • Great work, Emilio!
      I love your 3 adjective sentence! It uses a dash and hyphen perfectly, as well as commas for lists.
      You’ve also pushed to some ambitious, third choice vocabulary: ‘piercing’, ‘outstretched’ and ‘detected’.
      The colon works beautifully too!
      I wonder if you could add in some description? Could you ‘paint the picture’ with words? Perhaps describe the woods / trees further; the sound of the ‘creeping’ he hears; the creature he spots.
      Well done!
      You are a writer!!!
      Miss Lee 🙂

    • There it was. Daunting,dire,fearful-the human hid in worry for His life. The undead creature inflicted fear into its victim at any given moment.Enduring an everlasting stance in the azure,crystalised,water;the creatures belly was looking for its next drum of comfort-the humans soul.Observing the scene for what seemed like an eternity: just so his stomach was satisfied for the night.What God-like creature created this bad omen? Is he tho one who died on the cross the one who made thee? Even though his his hopes of success were out-of reach, he didn’t give up. An array of minutes later, the carcass of a creature once beautiful heard several footsteps. It was certain it had spotted the prey and crept closer to what looked like an animate creature. The beast was moving so slowly it was like he was a sloth. The beasts unconditional love for food is like the love between a mother and a child. Will the human escape? But then…

      • Hi Aiden,

        Well done! You’ve used some very ambitious language – ‘daunting’, ‘dire’ (great alliteration); ‘azure’, ‘crystalised’ and much more!
        I like your complex sentences that starts with the subordinate clause (‘Even though…’)
        Have a re-read and check all the punctuation. Just to help (because you don’t have you checklist at home), I’ll remind you of some of the marks to check in all writing: semi-colons, colons, capitals, hyphens, apostrophes, commas and parenthesis.
        A really good first attempt, Aiden!
        Miss Lee 🙂

  2. Trees caged them. Bright, emerald green nature- the human hid silently watching. The humans heart beat rapidly on the inside thinking of what to do, although on the outside all the human did was wait. Standing still in a crystal lake: the tree monster held a tiny creature in its bark brown hands. What is it going to do with the creature? How did nature create this monster? Willing to talk ,the human was still cautious but curious. Because of this monsters kind actions, the human lowered his arrow . The human thought to himself that he was as brave as a lion.

    • Hi Ruby,

      Well done! I really like your use of ‘crystal’ to describe the lake – it makes me see a clear, sparkling surface of water.
      The present participle ‘Willing’ is ambitious, and a cohesive way to open your sentence! Your alliteration with ‘cautious’ and ‘curious’ also works a treat!
      Double-check your paragraph for punctuation: are there any punctuation marks that are in the wrong place, or any that are missing? Use your study guide to help!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  3. With a terrifying look on his face, this creature steps out of the emerald green trees looking for its next victim. Searching through the tall planks of wood, he failed to find his prey. Meanwhile a little girl hides in fear as she prays that the creature will not see her. A few moments passed and the creature with the vile look all over his face had not retreated back into the trees and bushes. Would it ever leave? Some face the creature and try to fight it; others try and hide like mice in fear. Would you like to face this?

    • Hello Jessica!
      A great attempt!
      Your use of ‘vile’ and ‘retreated’ show me that you have really considered pushing to third choice vocabulary.
      Your Some;others sentence works wonderfully, as does your simile!

      I wonder if you could add a colon and dash sentence, and double-check that your verb tense is consistent?
      Miss Lee:-)

  4. There it was. Colossal, breath-taking, daunting- the creature nearly as tall as the trees stood alone in the middle of the lake. He felt empty and hollow in his stomach so his arms that were made out of the branches of the trees stretched out and held an animal that he had hunted down earlier. Or was it someone or something else? It was examining every tree it went by: it was inspecting the woods to find his prey. Did he discover something? If it did what was it? Even though he didn’t gain much success he did not give up searching. Throughout the day, he detected something creeping behind him through the hazel trees of the woods. He had established the creature and so he crawled towards it. As brave as a lion, it dived in, as it caught the glimpse of the creature, and caught it with its natural hands.

    • Hi Dena!
      Good work! Your personification of the trees is so figurative, as is your description of feelings. Super use of a colon too!
      Could you double-check your use of the conjunction ‘so’, and have a think about commas for clarity – where might some be needed?
      You’ve done brilliantly!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  5. There it stood. Gruesome, vile and intimidating- the creature froze enveloped in lush razor vines. He anticipated cautiously as it’s next victim began to take their last breaths. It was concealing its foul appearance: it was piercing the soul of its prey. What is it? What is it looking for? He might not have found anything, but it still hasn’t given up its search! Later that very evening, an ear-piercing shriek echoed through the woods. He eventually completed his search for the source and silently crept towards it. To his surprise a feeble human shivered below his towering height as scared as a mouse. What could happen next?

    • Hello Xander!
      Amazing work! I really like your strong language, such as ‘envelope’, ‘concealing’, ‘foul’ and ‘feeble’.
      You’ve also used a literary device called ‘juxtaposition’ – you’ve placed two ‘opposite’ or contrasting adjectives together: ‘lush’ and ‘razor’. Very clever!
      Could you have a look at some punctuation – double-check that you have used commas for clarity and colons correctly:-)
      Miss Lee
      commas for clarity; colon
      tense

  6. There it was. Menacing, minacious and minotaur- the aggressive creature stood alone violently trying to seek his prey. He felt as if he needed to taste the flavour of human flesh and blood. It was his day. It was examining every tree but still couldn’t find anything: before one tree the the creature goes to, the devious human moves onto the next tree. Would he ever find anything? If he did, what would the cunning human do to successfully save himself? He does not have the faith to give up searching because he was born ready not to become unsuccessful. Just then, he heard something grasp between the hazel trees. He surprisingly spotted the creature and crept towards it. Little did the shameless creature now that the human had a razor-sharp arrow with him.

    • Hi Neha!
      Superb alliteration in your second sentence. I like the Ancient Greek twist too!
      The words ‘devious’, ‘menacing’ and ‘shameless’ are particularly effective…and well done for accurate use of hyphens and dashes!
      I wonder if you could double check some grammar (word choice, word order and verb tense)?
      A wonderful effort!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  7. There he stood. In a dense, dark and frightening forest- it was a scary beast roaming the woods. His mind filled with curiosity that he was being followed. As he searched for his prey, it concerned him that he was in danger and was being scouted, so he stopped by a river to calm down. Overlooking the forest as the sunlight crept through the trees: seemed to be another satisfying sight. What could it possibly be? Who could it possibly be? The sunlight indicated a ray of hope, a positive sign amidst the darkness. Overcoming the fears and continuing on the journey. It was ripples in the steady flowing water and an unknown shadow. Oh the scary beast was the trunk and bark of a very old tree.

    • Hello Christiano!
      A great attempt! The alliteration ‘dense’ and ‘dark’ creates an effective, eerie atmosphere for your audience.
      You’ve tried really hard with your commas for clarity too. They have been used perfectly in your fourth sentence:-)
      Wonderful vocabulary has also been used: ‘indicated’, ‘amidst’ and ‘unknown’ show just how good you are at writing!
      Double-check your use of a colon. Remember: it must join two main clauses, where the second gives more information about the first.
      Have a think about the sentence ‘Overcoming the fears and continuing on the journey.’ This is a subordinate clause. Can it exist on its own?
      You’ve done really well, Christiano!
      Miss Lee

  8. There is the colossal man sat down on his throne. Furthermore, he was crowded with cliffs and mountains as high as the sky. There is a human holding a pen. There is a tree creature came in the forest.

    • Hello Jeevan!
      You’ve used a fantastic simile: ‘as high as the sky’, and I also like that you have described one of the characters as a ‘tree creature’.
      What do you think the tree creature is doing in the forest?
      What do you think the human is doing in the forest?
      Miss Lee 🙂

  9. There it stood. Intimidating, vile and daunting- the branch like creature was standing there for his next victim to arrive.It felt hollow in its stomach as his brain was full of curiosity about humans.Clashing compactly on his new victim: he brought his victim closer to him as if he was going to devour it up.The victim thought. Who is this creature? What will he do to me?.As he brought his victim closer, his heart beat began to be irregular.Just as his heart beat was infrequent, all the branches swayed powerfully making all the leaves stagger. When the leaves were staggered, the sky grew dark and lighting struck, hitting him, causing him to shrink. He shrunk as fast as sound making the victim safe from all the harm he could have went through.

    • Hello Leona – I’m sorry for not responding sooner. My blog dashboard didn’t notify me that you’d commented.
      You’ve had a good go!
      I really like the strong verbs ‘devour’ and ‘stagger’. You also show a good understanding of how to use commas for clarity!
      Have a re-read and double-check grammar and punctuation (hyphens, inverted commas and colons).
      Well done Leona!
      Miss Lee:-)

  10. All was silent… Giant-sized, angular, honed- it moved along the frozen, crystal-clear waters. Where am I? i feel… delicate with every step i make , these thoughts made it sweat steadily from the centre of its palm. Moving its head around to look where he was, was pointless:everything was blanketed by emerald, lush, green grass or towering trees. How did I get here? What am I? It was hideous and wild outside despite being mild and tender inside! The rest of its life would be an adventure in this maze-like forest. Could there be dangerous animals, or even worse HUMANS! Like a camouflaged tree confined in prison, he began finding his way home…

    • Hi Freya,

      A good attempt! ‘Angular’, ‘honed’ and ‘blanketed’ are great choices of vocabulary.
      I also like your sprinkles of alliteration: ‘sweat steadily’ and ‘towering trees’.
      Great use of hyphens too!
      I wonder if you could double-check some punctuation? Just to help you out, have a look at whether or not ellipses and commas are being used accurately. Do you need any direct speech or question marks anywhere? And remember to capitalise the pronoun ‘I’.
      Well done, Freya!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  11. Stood there, was a colossal monster waiting and watching me…
    I trembled in fear as I took a small step shaking. I could feel my veins filling with fear while the monster looked at me with its beady eye.It towered over me like the tallest tree in the world and had it’s raiser-sharp fingers by it’s emerald green body. What is happening?

    • Well done Sreya!
      I like the strong verb ‘trembled’ as well as the adjective ‘razor-sharp’, and your attempt at imagining the feelings in your veins – a good go at descriptive writing.
      Now have a think about what extra sentence ingredients still need to be added. Double-check the ingredients list above.
      Miss Lee 🙂

  12. There it was. Collosal, fearsome, daunting- there the creature sat on his throne. His heart beated as fast as a cheetah, even he realised he couldn’t move. This huge creature sat as still as a statue, carved into a mountain. Towering over the edge of the world. The mossy and grassy the man sat there: no sign of movement in the slightest. He asks himself, “Where am I?”
    “Why am I here?”
    His sweat dripped down his spine, even though the sun shone down on him. Cautiously he tried his hardest to move himself but was stuck in the same place like being glued to a chair. He still couldn’t move in any way and had to spend his life carved into the mountain. He was not supposed to be there as he sat in stillness.

    • Hi George!
      Great attempt at a colon! I love the descriptive sentence about the size of the creature – ‘This huge creature sat as still as a statue, carved into a mountain’. And well done for using inverted commas for direct speech! Also, ‘sat in stillness’ is lovely alliteration.
      I wonder if you could have a look at some of the grammar: are all of your sentences complete? Get a famiily member to read it if you need another pair of eyes. And double-check your commas for clarity – where might some be in the way, and where might some be missing?
      A sterling effort!
      Miss Lee 🙂
      Grammar – beated, incomplete sentences
      commas for clarity

  13. There it stood. Slowly, leisurely and gradually- it walks through the murky river. A cold rush flows through its feet, and it’s head-turning and looking around. Strolling, it moves through the river: walking slowly and water splashing as it goes by. What is it? What will it do next? It watches small rodents run by, hoping to catch one. Before sunrises, it will hide in the gloomy, dingy woods. It descends further into the forest; it hopes for the night to come again soon. This goes to show that its soul is as dark as the night sky.

    • Hello Mia! A great go!
      Super semi-colon sentence – your semi-colon joins two related main clauses perfectly!
      And what an eerie and effective simile: ‘as dark as the night sky’.
      Your description of feelings – ‘A cold rush flows through its feet’ is also effective!
      I wonder if you could re-read and check some of the grammar: missing verbs and verb tense.
      Also, double-check that your 3 adjective sentence uses adjectives.
      Well done!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  14. Trees surrounded him. Gruesome, disgusting crooked- the creature froze still in the enchanted forest. He felt hungry, his stomach was churning, his skin felt wet and damp. It was lurking in the shadows: it was looking at the creature as it creaked in the darkness. What was that sound? Had he found something? He searched for something, even though it had ben a while. Later on, something was definitely there. It was there and it was getting closer. It sounded like hooves clicking against the floor.

    • Hello Aaron! I’m sorry for the delay – my dashboard has only just notified me of yours and Leona’s writing!
      What a great first sentence. The perfect three words, and unique too.
      Your description of the creature’s feelings is good, as is your use of a colon. It joins two main clauses perfectly, and the second gives more information about the first!
      I wonder if you could double-check your time-adverbial: ‘Later on’ shows a shift in time so would need a new paragraph. What other adverbs could you use?
      Also, take a look at the commas. Where might some be missing or some being used as commas splices?
      A really strong first draft!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  15. There it was. A monsterous, fearsome, frightening looking creature. I quivered in fear as I felt a small chill going down my spine. Trembling in horror: my heart started to beat faster.How can I get out of this place? Will I still be alive? This beast was not ready to give up looking for food because I could hear him growling as loud as a crowd.Silently, I crept behind him as quiet as a mouse. I finally managed to escape this hideous beast of horror and I sprinted back as fast as I could, never coming back to this place again. Will I be able to get back home again?

    • Hello Nima!

      A great effort! Your tense is consistent and I like your fronted adverb with a comma for clarity (Silently,). My favourite words are ‘fearsome’, ‘hideous’ and ‘quivered’ – very ambitious!
      I wonder if you could have a look at the punctuation – where could a dash be used? Remember: these and colons should join two main clauses.
      Also, have a look at your second sentence – can it exist on its own?
      Well done Nima!
      Miss Lee 🙂

  16. There it stood. gruesome, fearsome, terrifying – the blood thirsty creature froze, listening hungrily to the sounds around it, watching and waiting to find it’s next victim. The ferocious creature felt angry, hungry and tired from hunting all night. It’s stomach felt as empty as a dark, black hole. All it had eaten was the scraps of some dead animal that had been left in the woods by another predator. It’s spiky, sharp tree like body stood as still as a statue, drooling into the sparkling stream beneath it. The gruesome creature noticed a bright light in the distance between the trees, was the sun coming up? was it time for it’s blood thirsty body turn back into a tree? was it running out of time? Frantically it eagerly searched every inch of the woods, desperately in search for something to fulfil its appetite, as when the sun rises the creature would turn back into a tree and only come to life again when the sun sets. Suddenly it’s fearsome body began to freeze! first its legs, then its branch like arms until the rest of its body was as hard as a stone. As the sun rose everything living in the woods slowly came out of their hiding places knowing that they would all be safe again until nightfall, when the terrifying creature would come back to life and hunt for it’s prey all over again.

    • Hi Ava!
      Wow! Your commas for clarity in your second sentence look fantastic, as do your commas for lists! Where might some fronted adverbials need a comma?
      Your similes are descriptive and really paint the picture.
      I’m also impressed with your vocabulary choices. You’ve really pushed to some ambitious words: predator, gruesome, fulfil and much more.
      This is an imaginative piece…you’ve left me wanting more!
      Have a look at some punctuation, thinking especially about capitals, hyphens, apostrophes and where a high-level colon be used instead of a comma splice.
      Well done, Ava. You’re a wonderful writer!

      Miss Lee 🙂

  17. There it was. Daunting, blood-thirsty, discouraging- he stood there alone in the dark gloomy woods. He felt empty, he felt hungry, he felt the taste of food right beside him… It was breathtaking: the trees were surrounding this unforgettable creature, as he stood in the gloomy, shallow, bitterness of what seemed like a stream only reaching his crooked ankles. What was this to see? where had this creature come from come from? what was he? later that day, he could smell something behind the trees. As he tried to rely on his nose to take him to this unusual smell. He soon spotted the creature and headed towards the human. He was as slow as a snail as he crept up to the human.

    • Hi Lydia!
      I’m sorry for the delay in replying. Because this is an older post, the comments appear to be getting lost amongst others.
      ‘Daunting’ and ‘discouraging’ are strong adjectives – well done! The descriptive words ‘shallow’ and ‘bitterness’ are so figurative and representative of the eerie stream. Your use of a colon is spot on too!
      Where else could you push to third choice language? Perhaps a synonym for ‘gloomy’ and ‘human’?
      Also, double-check your third-to-last sentence. It’s a lonely a subordinate clause – remember, it needs a main clause to make it a complete sentence.
      A super effort!
      Miss Lee 🙂

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